The Art of Skiving

Today a delivery guy dropped off a parcel.  But also, when he turned around he had grass on his back, like he had been lying down having a snooze.

But I guess now with the drop quotas, they don’t get much skive time - the new trend is to under-staff so as to reduce idle time to zero.  But service levels fall because all work cannot get completed some days.  Such is life.

Hmmm…lazy and laxidasical…..it seems to be the new way forward…..wether it’s pretending to work by the roadside or pacing yourself to a snail in an office….the new culture of being lazy is OK.

Most people just dream of beer, what they did last night, what they’re doing next weekend…blah day blah.  Sure there are go getters…but they are greatly outnumbered by us ‘plebs’ who pace ourselves evenly to not stress out during our working day.

Some wee chav phones up :

 ’Can I speak to Mrs or Mrs X?’

‘No you can’t’

‘Why is that?’

I put the phone down.

The phone rings again.  I pick up.

‘Wanker’.

Dial tone.

Lol, that is someone taking it personally.  Instead they should not work in that industry if they can’t take this sort of criticism.  Instead off to the toilets to skive….

An amazing art, the real assholes who survive corporate life talk like maniacs like they have a passion about what they do and you’re in the wrong.

Just unbelievable bullshit is the name of the game, going on about problems in your work that aren’t actually problems - it looks like you’re problem solving and the job is taking longer than normal because of these ‘issues’.

For a better insight, see the news and the Government speaking.  It doesn’t matter if things are shit - just make sure you’ve acknowledged, analysed, tryed to improve or will improve and sound positive at the end.

This is what you’ll look like if you get caught skiving.  So don’t get caught.  First rule of Skive Club.

OK, what is the definition :

skive      /skaɪv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[skahyv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–verb (used with object), skived, skiv·ing.

This of course is completely wrong.  To ’skive’ means to bunk off, typically when expected to do work.  It means lazy in literal terms.

This blog will explore the finer points of ’skiving’ - many people do it here, but make it an art form they don’t talk about for fear of the taboo of being a skiver.  Although humans are lazy, they take great offence in being called so, even if it’s the truth.